i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
