I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
