He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
