I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
