Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
we should paint friendship bongs
I think i got beer on your cat.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
