The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
