I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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