forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
