He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
