I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
