Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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