i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
