there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
