I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
