if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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