So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
