We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
