He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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