I CAN MOONWALK!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Quick, to the slutcave!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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