I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
