So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
