I need to stop coming to work sober
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
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we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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