Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
