chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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