I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
