it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
