I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize