i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
