??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
