College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
