Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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