i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
