you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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