I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
