I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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