I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
