So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
