just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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