I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
