The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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