If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
