i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
