so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize