Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
