I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
