Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
