I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
