Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have started to decorate penises.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize