I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
