When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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