My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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