The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
