Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
