matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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