Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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