THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize