I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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