there was a trapeze. enough said
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
