I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
