so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
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It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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