Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
