im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
