my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
