We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
