Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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