yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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