I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
