hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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