There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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