the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I had to cum in my sink.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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