he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
