I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
