every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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