Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
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Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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