Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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