i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
