He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
