I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
